Letter Sender 1: #28

My own survival story

Hello there! Just call me #28. I'm an HIV+ since January 12, 2012.

I first saw you on Planet Romeo and I got interested and amazed about you looking for same who are HIV+ which in my case, although I heart-warmingly accepted my condition, wouldn't want to flaunt it over social sites. I also followed your blog link and I've read your articles from October to now.

What I've read brought me back all the feelings I also had then. Please allow me to share my own survival story.

The Symptoms

I got the virus through heterosexual encounter. the first symptom that I got wash allergy-like rashes on my skin, that was in July 2011. While I was about to go home from work, I felt this itching sensation at my back, I thought some mosquitoes bit me but I doubt coz our office is very strict on pest and insect killing activities. On the fx I just felt im hot and just ignored it. We I came at our rented unit, I took off my barong and shirt and was surprised about these map-like reddish rashes all over my body. I got frightened and immediately called my friend to accompany me for a consultation at UST Hospital. We went there like 8:00pm and the nurse advised me to take an anti-histamine for 5 days, 3x a day. I did it but only for a day since I noticed that the rashes are gone.

October 2011, I got a flu-like illness that went for 3 days. But what frightened me is that I couldn't breathe normally. I felt that each day, I easily get tired walking and easily catching my breath even for only a two meter walk. My colleague also noticed that I can no longer laugh out laud and get tired easily. She told me to file a sick-leave and have a check-up which I did.

I called my sister to accompany me to UST for a check-up. They did the x-ray and they have diagnosed that I have TB! then I went to their cardio and told him about my fast heart-beat, he said I have Arrythmia (irregular heart beat). My sister and I decided to have a second opinion at St. Luke's. The next morning we went to St. Lukes and had some consultation. On that day, my skin is turning from fair to purple color. My finger nail went so dark and I can even step a foot cause Im catching my breath and I get tired immediately. The cardio wanted me to have a 2D Echo and ECG and be back the next day but I refused. I told him to admit me immediately coz I feel like Im not gonna make it the next day so he admitted me and had me confined.

During my confinement, the tests results revealed that I have ONLY pneumonia not TB, but, i also was diagnosed of viral Cardiomyocarditis or viral Cardiomyopathy (weak heart muscle) which causes me to have shortened breath and fatigue. They took care of me and after a week, i was discharged.

November 2011, I had fever and what looks like red dots on my skin. I submitted a sick leave request and told my boss that maybe my Cardio-related illness is coming back. My mom and I went to my aunt in Cavite to rest so they can take care of me while im sick. Two days gone-by and the red dots spread so fast and were map-like on my neck, then chest, then on my tummy and lastly on my legs. My aunt asked my mom to take me to the nearby hospital and have me checked. When we are at the hospital, I don’t feel hot but my temperature wa 41 degrees celcius so the doctor requested for my confinement. I was then diagnosed with German Measles and Typhoid fever. I stayed there until the second week of December.

Two days after my discharge, I felt something wet and sticky on my anus. I took off my underwear and saw a greenish-like sticky liquid. I ignored it until it felt itchy. We went back to St. Luke’s and have it checked. The surgeon said I have fistula-in-ano, an anal infection which requires surgery. But I was requested to get a clearance first from my cardio since I have a heart disease. So I went to my cardio and talked to him. He was surprised to see me cause I lost weight a lot. My record shows Im 60Kg in October, my first consultation with him and now I’m 54kg in just two months. I told him about my fever, the measles and now my fistula-in-ano. Then suddenly he asked me one thing, “are you gay?”. I felt different but I honestly answered him “yes, I am”. The next think he requested me before clearing me out for my surgery is to go to an Infectious disease specialist which I did without worry or with quite a hint of what he wants me to know.

I went to my first Infectious Disease doctor at St. Luke’s. The first thing he asked me is about my gender preference and my sexual activities. I told her all about it and then she asked me to open my mouth for her to see if I have some sores. She found that I have sores but only the sores of persons infected with a dreaded virus. She politely advised me to have an HIV screening but she also told me that I’m more likely to be positive. At that instance I felt nothing, it’s just like a normal check up. She was surprised I did not took the news surprisingly. I told her that in my self, I already know what’s this will come about. I told her I already have the hint that I am infected. She said only few accept that news calmly and with acceptance so she continued with her advise. I also met with a Hematologist for blood clearance and my cardio has cleared me. My HIV screening is scheduled on the 12th of January 2012 and the surgery on the 19th of the same month.

The News

January 12, 2012 morning, I went to St. Luke’s Pathology Department and had my blood screened for HIV. In the afternoon, I got the results and no surprise it’s reactive. I met with a counselor and he told me not to be afraid, I have to disclose my case with my family as much as possible and more of consoling words. My sister which is my best friend also knew what to expect. On January 17, I got myself admitted and be prepared for the operation of my fistula on the 19th.

The operation went for about an hour. They gave me a general anesthesia but made me sleep before they injected it on my spine. From my waist to my feet, their numb for two hours after the surgery coz of the anesthesia. I was advised to stay confined for three days but I got fever with overflowing sweaty nights the days after. And then there it was my attending physician was no longer the surgeon but my Infectious Disease doctor. I was treated with anti-soar meds for seven days until my fever went down to 37.5 degrees and I was discharged. They informed my company about what happened and I was approved for a Leave Without Pay case. I rested with my family in Pampanga while recovering from the operation but just days after my discharge, the fever regularly comes back. Only I and my sister knows my real case. My mom and other siblings took me to as many as 3 “albularyos” to “cure” my fever but none of them succeeded. Until I went so weak and so pale that my Infectious Disease doctor from St. Luke’s referred me to her colleague here in Pampanga. We went to his clinic and the moment he knew my case, he instructed me to get myself confined in a near-by hospital.

The Adversity

The most difficult and challenging part of my life was during my confinement at JBL Hospital. I’ve undergone almost all kinds of laboratory test. My weight went down to 43kg. I had three blood transfusion because I was diagnosed of anemia. Then they are eager to take away all the infectious bacteria by giving me strong doses of anti-biotics like augmentin, co-amoxicalav and very expensive ones. I also had been through the eye-blinding check-up just to find out my eye’s were saved from infection. The scariest part was when my heart stopped beating twice. I had also bid goodbye to my friends and relative coz I felt like I can no longer make it. I have prayed and confessed all my misdeeds and asked for HIS forgiveness.

My heart crushed when my mom knew about my real case. She cried one whole night and went to many churches and prayed for nine consecutive days. My friend’s families requested a pray-over in their chapels for my fast healing. Many colleagues from my former and current company visited me in the ICU. I even remember one nurse told me that I am more than a celebrity because of the many Manilanian visitors who brings food from my favorite restaurants. They also gave us financial aid to cover my expensive anti-biotics.

The Healing

I started taking my ARV’s in February 29th when my lab results showed no more signs of opportunistic infections. My CD4 count in January is 127. My sister estimated that during my confinement in JBL my CD4 went down below 100. I was discharged March 5, 2012.

Only few weeks after my discharge, my hemoglobin count went down from 90 to 80. I needed to be admitted on a nearby private hospital and have a blood transfusion. I was not at ease when close friends and classmates visited me not knowing my real condition. I had two bags of blood transfused within my veins. I even saw one FB friend which I am fond of and well, he’s a doctor in that hospital. After two days, I was discharges.

At home, in April and so on, my sister and sisters-in-law nursed me while I’m weak. I was literally weak. I can’t speak coz I get easily tired. I can’t move my hands and my legs. I can’t exert any effort. I can’t eat more than a spoon of food, I get acidic. Behind my back the neighbors are saying I only have until May to live. Many of my childhood friends and classmates visited me at home. All of them didn’t avoid to shed tears while seeing me bed-ridden, so skinny and dark skinned. I was a living skeleton. I still have my anal wound.

The Apprentice

While I was undergoing ARV treatment, my aunt from Cavite invited two friends she knew, who are faith-healers. At first I was hesitant to meet them coz I have a previous encounters with “albularyos”. Then she took them with her and they visited me in mid April. Tita Inday was the “main healer” as I call her and she have an assistant. She didn’t asked me anything about my condition. The only thing she asked was,”Do you believe that God can heal you?”. I’m not so religious but at that instance of course, I cried and said “Yes, I believe”. Then she started her healing process.

Tita Inday ask my sister to gather specific leaves from different trees. She boiled it and put some ammonia. The she asked me sit down and to covered myself, from head to toe with a blanket and she also put inside the boiling leaves. She asked me to inhale the vapor to the most that I can take it. The vapor is hot, it stings in my nostrils but I felt better. I felt like there’s no more phlegm in my lungs and indeed I felt better breathing. The next day before they left, she instructed my mom and my sister some herbal rituals for 39 days. They have to prepare me a drink consisting of a galss of pure ampalaya juice (literally the juice extracted from ampalaya leasves) with three calamansi and a teaspoon of sugar. I will drink it every morning for seven days with empty stomach then a glass of tomato juice everyday for 39 days or until needed.I did that and it’s really not good. But the good thing is, my hyperacidity went gone and my CBC count are remarkably getting to normal after 39 days. She also advised me to drink a glass of milk in the morning and before going to bed. The drink is prepared by putting three scoops of BirchTree powdered full cream milk, added with 2 freshly beaten organic egg and a spoon of sugar. So it’s like drinking a liquid leche-flan. I diligently obeyed and did the routine and for 39 days, I was able to move my hands and legs. I can breathe more comftably but not normal. Then I continued taking my ARVs, heart meds, and those herbal treatments.

The Miracle

On August 29, I had my sixth-month general check-up at St. Luke’s. The results were overwhelmingly unbelievable. My 2D Echo says that from a heart-muscle pumping capacity of 39% in April, it went back to normal of 57% (Normal range is 55%-77%) and even the nurse who compared the results wondered if the initial test is really accurate or if I am the same patient who undergone the test. My ECG, went back to normal, my hemoglobin increased from 80 to 110 remarkably and my other whole blood test stabilized. I also had my repeat CD4 test at San Lazaro SACCL and from 127 count it went up to 247 for only 8months (in which when I was in JBL it was estimated to be below 100). The doctor says, the double increase is not normal for HIV stage 4 patients who are under treatment. My Cardiologist was so impressed about my fast recovery. She even said that she should have taken a photo of me when I first came to her and now when I was “ok”. From 39kg in April I gained weight to 50kg end of August. From Nevirapine, LamiZido-vudine, Contrimoxazole, Izoniasid, Lanoxin, Vastarel, and Coralan to Nevirapine, LamiZido-vudine and Carvedilol now.

Since June, my Company let me work at home. They brought here all my office equipments and supplies. And they even gave back my regular salary and benefits. They are expecting me to be back in January 2013.

The Second Life

I consider this year as the greatest turning point of my life. At 25, I almost met death, but by faith and love, I’m still alive. I now consider each day as my last day on earth. I asked for forgiveness and mercy before I go to bed. I tried to do good every day I live. I now know how to love unconditionally. How to share everything generously and how to do all deeds with kindness. This is not my life anymore, it’s His. My dying wish and I pray, to see my mom and siblings blessed and thankful; to see my friends and colleagues and even acquaintances successful on their chosen paths, and to see that my name be remembered in good ways.

Please share my story. Thank you. If you need facts, please contact me at 091x xxx xxxx. (Pls keep this Number confidential)

Sincerely,

#28

P.S. As of today, November 20, 2012, I am 53kg. Hemoglobin of 120 will have my CD4 in March and 2D echo in February.